The Best a Man Can Get
I've been shaving with a Mach 3 razor since I was old enough to grow thin layer of peach fuzz on my upper lip, which was around the seventh grade. The Mach 3 has treated me right all these years, and I haven't been on the market for a new razor. Although, recently I've been craving something more. I think when Schick Quattro hit the market I was a little jealous of the four blade technology even though deep down I knew it was unnecessary.
Yesterday in Ralph's I saw something that gave my beard an erection, the Gillette Fusion. It seems my brand of choice was merely laying dormant, and waiting for the perfect moment to strike with a five blade surprise. Just think of it! Five blades licking my face clean every morning.
I would love to have been a witness to the Gillette meeting when they decided to go with a five blade counter-strike to the Quattro.
Scientist: Well Sir, Schick finally responded to the Mach 3. They came out with a four blade design called the Quattro.
Boss: Four blades! That's absurd. Nobody needs four blades.
Scientist: How would you like to respond?
Boss: Can't we have the Mach 3 secrete a soothing face gel or something.
Scientist: Norelco already has the soothing face cream secretion market cornered.
Boss: Why don't we make the blade spin or something?
Scientist: There could be some serious liability issues there sir.
Boss: OK, Fuck it! Let's do five blades!
Scientist: Five blades, what should we call it?
Boss: How about 'Reaction'?
Scientist: Better yet, how about 'Fission'?
Boss: Fission is nice but I'm looking for something with more of a snap. What's that thing that the sun does...that's it 'Fusion'!
Yesterday in Ralph's I saw something that gave my beard an erection, the Gillette Fusion. It seems my brand of choice was merely laying dormant, and waiting for the perfect moment to strike with a five blade surprise. Just think of it! Five blades licking my face clean every morning.
I would love to have been a witness to the Gillette meeting when they decided to go with a five blade counter-strike to the Quattro.
Scientist: Well Sir, Schick finally responded to the Mach 3. They came out with a four blade design called the Quattro.
Boss: Four blades! That's absurd. Nobody needs four blades.
Scientist: How would you like to respond?
Boss: Can't we have the Mach 3 secrete a soothing face gel or something.
Scientist: Norelco already has the soothing face cream secretion market cornered.
Boss: Why don't we make the blade spin or something?
Scientist: There could be some serious liability issues there sir.
Boss: OK, Fuck it! Let's do five blades!
Scientist: Five blades, what should we call it?
Boss: How about 'Reaction'?
Scientist: Better yet, how about 'Fission'?
Boss: Fission is nice but I'm looking for something with more of a snap. What's that thing that the sun does...that's it 'Fusion'!
posted by BS. at
8:40 AM
1 Comments:
The Onion had a headline 2 years ago titled "Fuck Everything, We're Doing Five Blades"
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33930
QUOTE:
"What part of this don't you understand? If two blades is good, and three blades is better, obviously five blades would make us the best fucking razor that ever existed. Comprende? We didn't claw our way to the top of the razor game by clinging to the two-blade industry standard. We got here by taking chances. Well, five blades is the biggest chance of all.
Here's the report from Engineering. Someone put it in the bathroom: I want to wipe my ass with it. They don't tell me what to invent—I tell them. And I'm telling them to stick two more blades in there. I don't care how. Make the blades so thin they're invisible. Put some on the handle. I don't care if they have to cram the fifth blade in perpendicular to the other four, just do it!"
By
Ames, at 4:05 PM
Post a Comment
<< Home